THE WEIRDEST SHIT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME


I am vain only about my feet. I have small pretty feet..no ugly toes, nice arch and they hold up my fat ass with few complaints.. but about a month ago I stubbed my left big toe and the nail kind of died on me..so it is trying to come off but looks like crap..and freaks me out..but I was watching tv and they said if you put a hole iin a whole lemon and stuck your toe in there it would make the nail soft enough that you could peel it right off. so I thought, what the fuck, I don’t have a life, sitting around watching tv and reading with a lemon on my right big toe, is no biggie…so…I am sitting on the recliner reading my new murder mystery, listening to the tv as golf was on, drinking my sun tea with the lemon on my toe…my neighbor knocks on the door with her little 9 year old grandaughter and I yell, “come on in”, and get up to greet them and the lemon flies off my toe and smacks the kid right in the forehead…both of them stand there in total shock as they have no idea why I have just tossed a lemon at the kid and whacked her in the head…Im laughing so hard that I can’t explain to them how and why this happened..took me 5 minutes to calm down enough to explain what happened and I’m still not sure they ever believed me..im sure that Maryruth still think I accosted her grandaughter with citrus..and will adventually turn me over to the local police..lucky for me Im good friends with the Judge..
every time I think about it I start to laugh again…

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