bette midler has a new album coming out…cant wait…

If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.
jaun ramon jimenex

things to avoid…
a truck with these two bumper stickers on it…
have a feeling the first fender bender he would hobble out and pull a gun on you…

i was watching letterman last night and he had nicolas cage on the show..now i think he is a great actor and for some reason thought he was kinda hot…but last night he was on and he has been running and eating better and has lost a lot of weight..and im staring at him thinking …”there is something familar about him ..now what the fuck is it??” and all of a sudden my heart started racing and i got all sweaty and clammy and felt light headed….with the mustashe and the weight loss he looks just like my first husband..i almost had a full blown panic attack…freaked me out…made the gypsy sing to ward off evil spirits and spit three times…finally had to switch over to nightline as i couldnt stand to look at him any more..

and speaking of husbands..if i had married all the men i said i would …well, i’d still be getting the divorces…one time i was supposed to marry this guy, who was a nice enough guy and he loved my sons and had a good job….but everyone felt he was just not the one for me..i worked as a bartender at the palm gardens in portland oregon and my boss, the other bartenders and waitress’s thought he was wrong..wrong ..wrong…so they arranged to have me kidnapped by larry peirce…who was beginning to ring a few bells with me…so after work he asked to take me out for breakfast as my last meal as a single person…said what they hell, what could it hurt? huh huh…we went in his new shelby…and we had breakfast and he put me in his car and took off the opposite way from where my car was…i said what’s up? he said..its a surprise…he took me home with him and locked me in the house with him for 3 days…(my girlfriend had my sons for the wedding and honeymoon that i never went on)..after the second day of captivity i had him locked in ….so that was one wedding i never made it to…they said the groom to be waited at the church for 3 hours…finally someone told him i had run off with larry and he joined the merchant marines…and didnt see him again for 2 years…i think i did similar type things like that for about 3 other almost marriages…larry saved me from them all…the reason we never got married is…we were both scorpio’s and just exactly alike…which meant we were ok for fucking but that was about all…he was pretty funny though…every time he would come in the bar i would say “pierce..you wanna beer”.? and he would say “do fish fuck”…or “is there a nigger in okland..”…made him quit saying that last one before he started a fight with someone..wonder what ever happened to old larry…?


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