Archive for December, 2005

JAMIE’S VISIT TO GRANDMA’S HOUSE

December 29, 2005


Jamie who is 16 came to visit last night..She knew I had made my world famous(ok, maybe West, Texas famous) brocolli,ham, asparagus, rice, cream of mushroom soup, and had to have some.It was killer. While she was here we had a nice talk, where we talked about her dad, her sister, her mother, her boyfriend and probably the cowboys as I always find a way to talk about the cowboys.Then…I took her to the dark side.I let her read some of grandma’s posts. She laughed her ass off.She knows grandma is funny and makes her laugh, but don’t think she knew to the extent I had gone to, to make others laugh too. Showed her all the pictures that Sooner had put in for me and she was very impressed, especially the pictures of West. She wants pictures of her on here..told her I was working on it..Then I took her to Bab’s and Sooner’s…she is pretty sure we all three should be arrested..I let her read some of Sooner’s Christmas posts and she laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. We were leaning on each other laughing and wipping our eyes..such a nice grandma and granddaughter moment, reading Sooner’s Santa rants..She kept looking at me …like…is this for real…betcha sweet ass Jamer…..Only thing is I was disappointed that she didn’t get the p. diddy reference. When he said he was changing his name from P. diddy to just diddy, but that I would continue to call him by the name I always called him….du wa…
she didn’t get it…too young…I even sang the song…zip.right over her head…Need to work on her music knowledge of the 50’s and 60’s…After twisting her little mind I had a nice cup of Tazo Honeybush tea..”surprisingly enough, for something with a name like Taso Honeybush, this tea contains none of the buzz of caffeine. How’s that for magic?”
(magic is when the cowboys pull a win out of their ass this sunday, now that’s magic)
oh, yeah, should have seen me try and explain the fuck me till I………add on’s to my post…she didn’t get that one either….
fuck me till I du wa diddy diddy, dum diddy do…

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LIFE FOR ME IN WEST, TEXAS

December 29, 2005


I have lived here in this house for over 11 years.When it is spring time or nice weather any time of the year I leave the door open. If I decide to go to the library or grocery store.I go get in my truck where I have left it unlocked with the keys in it…and leave..the door still wide open..(what if I shut the door and Rocky wanted in?)…where ever I go in town…I leave the keys in the truck..windows down..and if I am at the library I usually leave my purse in the car too. I will go store to store and leave my packages on the front seat of the truck or if its something big..in the bed of my truck..I have never had one single thing stolen.If it is winter or cold outside I shut the door…but I dont even have a key if I wanted to lock it.Plus all the locks are so old you could(or at least I could) pick them with a bobby pin. Of course when I hate Nate I never had to worry about anyone getting in the yard..to even get to the door…Not that he would actually do anything to them but he weighted 110 lbs. and barked like an insane animal(he got great enjoyment out of scaring the crap out of people)so no one wanted to take a chance..But Rocky’s not much of a watch cat..he would probably hold the screen door open for them..
I know that there have been cases of people getting their automobiles broken into and have stuff taken out of it..but in 11 years I haven’t lost as much as a pen out of my truck..a cd or money that I keep in the cup holder. I would put $20 worth of ones and quarters there so it made it easier for me to get paper…now I have it delivered to the house so no money in the truck…but not because I was worried about anyone stealing it…I know that adventually I will come home and someone will have walked in and removed my tv, computer and autographed picture of Randolph Scott, but until then…the door stays open..even if little nosey kids poke their head in…

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION #2

December 28, 2005


I PROMISE NOT TO GIVE THE FINGER TO ELDERLY DRIVERS WHO DRIVE DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, RUN STOP SIGNS AND PULL OUT IN FRONT OF ME.THIS IS A WRITTEN REQUEST FROM THE CHIEF OF POLICE TO CEASE AND DESIST AS MY SAID FLIPPING OFF OF THE ELDERLY HAS RESULTED IN 1 STROKE, 2 AUTO MISHAPS AND SOME MESSY PANTS.

IN THE NEWS….

December 28, 2005

This made me laugh sooo hard…
BUSH’S HOLIDAY READING:AMERICAN WARRIORS

ONE MIGHT BE A CHRISTMAS GIFT, BUT PRESIDENT BUSH HAS A COUPLE OF BOOKS ON HIS NIGHTSTAND FOR HIS STAY IN CRAWFORD.(BESIDES A BOOK, FIRST LADY LAURA BUSH GAVE THE PRESIDENT CLOTHES AND BIKING GEAR. HE GAVE HER JEWELRY AND A DVD PLAYER.) (HIS CHRISTMAS GIFT TO US…ANOTHER YEAR OF BEND OVER BENDEHO, YOU’RE GETTING FUCKED AGAIN)
WHEN TRUMPETS CALL: THEODORE ROOSEVELT AFTER THE WHITE HOUSE:BY SARAH WATTS.299 PAGES…RECOMMENDED BY BRIAN WILLIAMS TO BUSH.

IMPERIAL GRUTS: THE AMERICAN MILITARY ON THE GROUND: BY ROBERT D. KAPLAN.448 PAGES.

excuse me while I laugh my ass off….he’s still reading that kids book on the goat from 9/11…..
fuck me till my life story is on the best seller list and Bush reads it..


Texas is on fire….5th driest year…nearly a dozen homes lost in tarrant county.the lowest was 1921 with only 17.91 inches of rain..1910 with 17.97 inches…1899 with 18.11 inches of rain…1956 with 18.55 inches and 2005 with 18.97 inches ..tha is if it doesn’t rain by sat..and no one is planning on it.18.97 inches of rainfall is more than 15 inches short of normal…less than half of the 47.57 inches recorded in 2004..the 4th wettest since since the weather service began keeping records..pretty fucking scary. here in west we are 11 inches below normal…but what rain we did get was at the right time so the farmers weren’t hurt…we had our first grass fire this morning but our spiffy little volunteer fire dept…got to it and had it out before any damage was done..we have an excellent volunteer dept…

two new cups of tazo tea…”zen”…..”high in the Kunlun mountains of china, monks spend days chanting and meditation in hopes of reachin complete enlightment. periodically they stop for a cup of tea quite like this.”….(while sipping thier zen tea, they patiently await the delivery of this month’s “big tits” and”wild ladies of the orient”)
“awake”…”imagine finding yourself on a lush tea estate in India around the turn of the century. Your breakfast tea would hav tasted a good deal like awake.”…
(until that bald headed skinny fucking Ghandi came along and fucked it all up for the British)
I was reading in the paper about a encyclopedia type website ran on donations…called wikipedia….it is a web site I guess where you can go on and add to, correct, amend, ???? thought it might be interesting to go visit…might want to check it out for a few clicks and giggles…

this is the good news bads news portion of my post…the good news is my neighbors 2 sons are visiting him from Phoenix, Arixona…matt and cody..2 cute little tow headed boys…yesterday the dad..david was sick with sinus infection, felt bad and laid down..so boys were bored and discovered my house..so i took them to grocery store and bought them sodas..and took them to park…they found their way home ……it was fun and i enjoyed them…that’s the good news…the bad news is im an insomniac and stay up till 4-5 am…sleep tillllllllllllll i get the fuck up….so this morning at exactly 10:45am…there is knocking on the door….i lay there waiting for them to go away…..they knock louder…i hear one say to the other…she must be asleep…the other says…:”knock louder”……they do…i dont move for fear i will get up jerk them in the house, and no one will ever find their bodies… they open the fucking door and say…”are you awake?”… i say…”i am now”,,in my …update your will, cause im going to kill you voice…which they arent familar with as he says…”we knocked but you didnt answer the door..”…i said, with my kiss your mommie and daddy goodby cause you are never going to see them again voice…”i stay up late and i sleep late…and I dont need you knocking on the door to wake me …AS I ALREADY HAVE A FUCKING ALARM CLOCK”.
door closes……..voices fade away…….silence….jackiesue goes back to sleep….
some times i really do like being me….
fuck me till i doze

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION #1

December 27, 2005


1.I promise to wear underwear under my nightshirt when I bend over to pick up the Dallas paper in the morning.This is the results from a cease and desist order from 3 of my neighbors..

MY HERO’S HAVE ALWAYS BEEN COWBOYS

December 27, 2005


Watching Willie sing that song tonight and really feeling the meaning behind the words made me think that we don’t have hero’s like cowboys any more..Where he was polite, tipped his hat to the ladies, fought fair and square, was for the underdog and against the the ones with power who used it against the weak. todays “heros” are over paid steroid pumped up athletes, publicity hungry hollywood elite and rap stars who denegrate women.What ever happened to the cowboys portrayed by John Wayne, Henry Fonda, Jimmy Stewart, Roy Rogers,Gene Autry and my own very favorite cowboy….Randolph Scott…I always had this thing for older men when I was a kid and watching them cowboy movies…You could have your John’s, Henry’s and Roy’s….give me that sweet talking slow walking gentleman from Virginia…Randy Scott..I actually sent off and got his autographed picture…I was 33 years old…he signed it “to jackie, love Randy Scott..”…I still have it…matter of fact I kept on nightstand by my bed and until she knew better, Maryjo thought it was a picture of her Daddy…
Tina Turner sang a song called “We don’t need another hero”….but we do…we need cowboy heros…riding into town, tall in the saddle, tipping his hat to the ladies and standing up for the little guy….yippy ki yea motherfucker….

THE KENNEDY HONORS

December 27, 2005


Watched the Kennedy Honors tonight..and had a pretty elite group…they feted Robert Redford, Julie Harris,Tony Bennett,Suanne Farrell and Tina(what’s love got to do with it) Turner….Willie Nelson actually brought me to tears with his redition of “My hero’s have always been cowboys”…..for Robert Redford..Willie rules.They had some great musicans touting Tony and Diana Krall was the cats pj’s…but the ones singing Tina’s music just blew me away…Vanessa Williams, Queen Latifa, Melissa Ethridge,Al Green and the wildly sexy Beyonce…man, if every white woman in america could look like her…they would all be black right now….she did Proud Mary and was fanfuckingtastic….but Tina does have better legs…I thought forest gump was going to jump up, whip it out and start whacking off….he makes me ill…..what a show…ahhh, there is still some good shit on tv..

MONDAY NIGHT’S WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN

December 26, 2005


The game wasen’t the best I have ever seen, but it wasen’t the worse either. It was the last Monday Night Football game on ABC. To bad we can’t drag Don Merridith out of retirement from Santa Fe….he would liven it up…ahhhhhh I will miss it..
I think central Texas is on fire..there are grass fires all over…every neighboring county is having fires…everything is so dry that the smallest spark will start a brush fire..most cities are at least 10 inches below normal for rain fall.Maybe I should go out and do my little rain dance..it worked before.
Jenny made it back from San Antonio safe and sound…talked to her today and she said she had a good time and wasen’t forced to drive back by herself.
My little abode smells sooo good. Apple cinnamon…they are the triple scented candles and they are so strong..smells like a big ole cinnamon fart…just envelopes the house..
Maryjo called last night and we talked for several hours…she had a good time at Rolf’s dad and step mom’s house…They also got a new coffee maker and a new microwave for their apt.They can really use them..Think they are getting a new used couch too. Going to see what all I can ship up and send them.
The weather was beautiful today and supposed to be the same the rest of the week. in the 80’s…Texas…gotta love it..
Saw on tv news that forest gump is back at his compound till after the new year.Wonder if Cindy is still out there? Notice how its all in the news when she gets there and for the first few days..then nothing..and absolutly nothing when she leaves…I am going to try and change from aol to people.pc…so if you send any thing to the jsroycroft@aol.com address and it comes back..just use my yellowdoggranny@yahoo.com..till I get the new service in…I may go redneck and kick me some aol ass…fuck me till I block popups

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?

December 26, 2005


LAST MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL GAME..END OF AN ERA..GOING TO GO WATCH….READ MY BOOK ON GUENEVERE AND ARTHUR..LOTS OF STUFF ON THE GODDESS IN THERE…I WILL COME BACK SNARLY FROM THE FOOTBALL AND SERENE FROM THE GODDESS….SKITSY..JACKIESUE..VERY SKITSY…

IM SOOO FUCKING BORED

December 26, 2005


I was up till 5am and slept till 11am.I keep going into the kitchen to fix me something to eat but there are dishes in the sink, the counter, on top of the microwave and stove…there is something green growing in a cup…I think I may have discovered the cure for hair loss…It is soo nasty in the kitchen even Rocky won’t go in there. He insists on eating all his meals out on the porch now..I opened the front door and a small herd of cockroaches ran out..ok, its not that bad..but I do need to go clean up in there…just lazy….
Went to Jamie’s and helped doctor her male pits (Kilo)mouth…anyone who has a pit or ever owned one knows that once they get a chew bone they don’t stop till it is gone…and she bought them a sack full of them and Kilo has gone through about 3 of them and now the inside of his mouth and lips are sore and raw…so I went over and smeared vitamin e and neosporen on them…also gave her a aloe vera plant and said to try and get him to eat some of the juice out of the stalks…I am a firm believer that vitamin e and aloe vera will cure anything.
My house smells so good from the candles…and drank so much green tea that my urine is green.These are Starbucks tea…very good tea..but the little messages on the back of each tea bag cracks me up…like on “calm”…”A single cup of Taxo Calm
has been known to have the same effect as sitting for 45 minutes in a mountain meadow on a sunny day..”(and rubbed leisurely with coconut oil by a muscular native boy).”Joy”..”There is joy everywhere in life if you know where to look.In this filterbag, for instance.” (Most especially if you light and smoke the contents of filterbag.) “Darjeeling”..”Sitting on the porch of a bungalow on a tea plantation in Darjeeling.You can see the peaks of Everest and Kanchenjunga as you sip a cup of this esquisite brew.Life is good.”(Don’t forget that shot of 191 proof Bacaradi’s).
“Envy”.”Envy is best defined by the experience of watching someone next to you quietly sipping this tea while your own cup sits empty.”(Having enough money for bail when you kick the crap out of said tea drinker and drink his tea.)
Yup, Im bored…fuck me till I drink coffee