DALLAS MORNING NEWS………NEVER FAILS TO AMUSE ME

I swear that the little articles that are stashed away in the back of the paper next to the huge ads for dept. stores, suv’s or Bank’s..are the best news of the day…Not the front page or the editorial pages…but these:
Says he:”Any girl who is interested must simply be born female and between the ages of 18 and 45.They must have have an IQ above 130 and they must be honest…No deformities, third legs, fifth nipples…I’m completely alone and I’m completely miserable.” Sean Lennon announcing an open call for a new girlfriend, to the New York Post.
Holy shit…maybe if your mother wasen’t the hellish creature that broke up the beatles, screaches like a wounded hare in a trap and calls it singing….you might get some pussy..But then I also took a look at the picture of you by the article..and sweety……cut your hair, shave your face and get out of the discarded army fatigues..you look like shit.
Although when I think of all the money you have……………………………your not so bad looking and the past is the past..if paul can move on..so can I….wait..(reading back over the stipulations…hmm)..no 5 nipples and under 45…well..that let’s me out…so fuck you and your harpy mother…


ARTIST IN REMOTE AREA CHAINS LEGS, LOSES KEY…( I swear I didn’t make this up)

Baker, Calif. An artist who chained his legs together to draw a picture of the image, hopped 12 hours through the desert after realizing he lost the key and couldn’t unlock the restraints, authorities said Wednesday. Trevor Corneliusien, 26, tightly wrapped and locked a long, thick chain around his bare ankles Tuesday while camping in an abandoned mine shaft, San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Deputy Ryan Ford said. Mr. Corneliusien finally made it to a gas station and called the sheriff’s department, which sent paramedics and deputies with bolt cutters.
So, let me get this straight…..some asshole goes down into an abandoned mine shaft to draw a picture of his legs in chains…..loses the key and has to hop 12 hours to get some help….I am almost at a loss for words…JUDAS FUCKING PRIEST….What a fucking idiot…they should have left him chained up..if he’s free,only the Goddess knows how much more trouble that dufus can get into…i know for sure somehow..this ashole is going to end up on the Jimmy Kimmel Show bragging about his adventure…
fuck me till im on the Jimmy Kimmel show/

BAPTIST GROUP OFFICIAL CHARGED WITH LEWDNESS.
Oklahoma City..(you remember the judge that was wacking off was from Oklahoma ..I see a trend here)
An excutive committee member of the Southern Baptist Convention was arrested on a misdemeanor lewdness charge, accused of asking a plainclothes policeman to join him in his hotel room for oral sex, police said. Lonnie Lathan, 49, senior pastor at South Tulsa Baptist Church, told reporters that he was “set up”. I was in the area pastoring to police.”

when is the last time you ever saw a pagan getting arresting for sexual crimes?it’s always them damn catholics and baptists….sinner sinner….sin…..er….
fuck me till i cavort ( for some reason I think I know this guy…Lonnie Lathan sounds sooo familar…really…..)

and last but not least…this statement from kinky friedman on the annoucement that state comptroller Carole keaton-Strayhorn has tossed her hat into the governors race as an independent..”There’s plenty of room in the hot tub, and she’s welcome.”
my statement is….lets see….. how many more parties are there for her to belong to.? she started out a democrat…..switched to the republican party….and now she is an independent..this bitch would join the kkk if she thought it would get her elected to a higher office than comptroller..
fuck me til i run for office.
arencha glad you have me to report the news to you…??

Advertisements

4 Responses to “DALLAS MORNING NEWS………NEVER FAILS TO AMUSE ME”

  1. Babs Says:

    They tried to hand me a free Dallas Morning News at the grocery store today, I turned it down. I know I have you for the interesting stuff and now there is Dom for more bizzare stories around the world!

    Any girl between the ages of 18-45? That’s a big range…how old is he? What a moron. Some things aren’t worth the money….

  2. BriteYellowGun Says:

    Small town police blotters are what have me laughing my ass off. The paper in this town is so sad that this past summer, they actually took a picture of a tomato plant alongside someones house and wrote an ARTICLE about it titled “Mystery Tomato Plant” with quotes from the homeowner about how they didn’t plant it there and have no idea how it started growing on the side of their house! I’m not joking, I knew I should have cut that one out. There were photos and everything.

  3. Sam Says:

    This news is great, nuts. The small town stuff can be pretty funny. I’ll get some of my old private eye books and see what articles i can find.

  4. Scottish Toodler Says:

    The Yellowdog Granny newscast is the BEST NEWS EVER!!!! I was informed, entertained, but never insulted!!! And every story was of interest to me!!! Fuck me til Jackiesue is on MSNBC!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: