In answer to all questions…Jimmy Crack Corn is not a song about farting..that was just what came out of a hot sweaty Texas night in Sunnyvale, Texas with the kids bored silly and mischief in their hearts. Bright Yellow Gun asked if all southern kids had to have two names and I said no….but most of us did…but like my cousins that were called only by their first name were also called by both their names when they were in trouble…so Terry became Terry lee when he pushed my doll buggy into a tree,and he also became suddenly punched in the stomach by Jackiesue right after. While I was telling BYG this,it dawned on me..THAT may have been the reason that Michael Ray, Larry Wayne and Jackiesue were called by both of our names…because we were always in trouble…huh….and we were too…My grandmother used to whip them with those wire fly swatters…she would wail on Larry Wayne and Michael Ray…I on the other hand was never whipped….My mother would have jerked Big Mama a new ass if she or anyone tried to whip me….I was NOT to be whipped, no matter the offense..I was to be led by the arm to mother and she would dole out what ever punishment she deemed necessary, which was usually a stern talking to and a threat to tell Daddy..that would shape me up very fast..I would be good ….just don’t tell Daddy…not that Daddy ever whipped me or yelled or even punished me…it was THE LOOK. The look of pain, hurt and disappointment. Man, I would do anything not to get THE LOOK.. He also had another look, one that if I was being a little jerk and he caught me in the act…would give me THAT LOOK ..and it would freeze the blood in your veins and stop your heart…My parents never whipped me..but I always knew that there was a distinct possiblity that if I pushed them far enough..they wouldn’t whip me but would kill me…so I never pushed the envelope.somethings you just know..
Growing up for the longest time it was just the 3 of us…we were older than all the other cousins by 4-5 years….then came Michael Ray’s baby sister………….DIANE… the cutest damn kid you ever saw….and we hated her….well, we loved had to love her..she was so damn cute…but she stole all our action….we not only had to take her everywhere and keep an eye out on her, she got everything first..first drink of kool-aid, first candy, first dime for ice cream….oh God we hated her…but we did admire her ablilty to get the main amount of attention…so we thought of many many different ways to cause her as much harm as possible with out actually drawing blood. In my Aunt Estelle’s house you could make a circle in the house…go from bedroom to bath room to bed room to kitchen to dining room to living room to bedroom….so we put her (as we called her) Di….Ann…(two words)in the middle of the bed in the first bedroom and then start running through all of the rooms and make it right back to the bed before she crawled to the edge of bed and fell off…some times…we didnt make it….and would catch her by her wet soggy diaper…giving her the thrill of her life…she thought that was so much fun…so did we…of course sometimes she hit the floor, but we would gather her up and hug and kiss on her and she would laugh and forgive us…not knowing it was us that caused her to be hurt in the first place….Aunt Leola was the one that caught on to our little game and put a stop to that fast..She was always the one that kept us from killing each other…not with yells, screams or panic…she never lost it…she would just say things like’you know you’re going to kill that child don’t you?’…and we would shuffle our feet, look at the sky, ground, each other and say “yes, mamm.”..and she would say “quitit”….and we would say “yes, mamm”…….I often wonder how we all made it with out someone getting hurt really bad, or our mothers going nuts and locking us up in a room till we were 30..
like Michael Ray always said ya’ll ain’t nothing but a bunch of A-holes…..


13 Responses to “THE 3 TROUBLE MAKERS”

  1. Shrinking Wop Says:


    You are funny!!!

    “A self made widow” great line.

    If I ever see you with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, hell I’ll buy you another beer and find you an ashtray. (Or an empty beer can)

  2. BriteYellowGun Says:

    You so crayzeee! That poor baby! Did she make it to adulthood?

  3. Ann Says:

    Your stories remind me so much of the crazy things my mom and her siblings would do to their younger brother. They once made him so mad he chased them down the road with a butcher’s knife. All I can say is, if my kids try to pull those stunts, if they don’t kill themselves, I may do it for them.

  4. Normy Says:

    I like yer blog, and you’re a Tarantino fan too! Hmmm… yeah, Bush is a d*ckheaded imbecile. At this point I think even republicans know that.

    People get thrown in jail nowadays for letting babies fall off the bed! Poor ‘lil thing. I guess what doesn’t kill ya makes ya stronger.

  5. Nit Wit Says:

    They don’t call it the school of hard knocks for nothing.
    If kids hadn’t been so overprotected the last 30 years or so we wouldn’t have all the disgruntled workers and students killing over silly disapointments in there special lives.
    Self made widow. I love that.
    sure would put a crimp in the divorce laywer’s profits if it caught on.

  6. Babs Says:

    I know what you mean about the Dad look!! THE LOOK was the worst form of punishment possible. Hated to disappoint my dad. Though he did spank me, I would try to squeeze my butt up against a wall so he couldn’t reach it. This only resulted in the over the knee spanking. That threat of, “just wait till your father gets home”. Man, those words still echo in my ears.

  7. Babs Says:

    oh ya, it’s is classified info on how I got the roaches to spell…
    Will you be watching NASCAR this weekend??

  8. leo myshkin Says:

    when i was young and more obnoxious than now, jimmy crack corn was one of my favorite expressions. when someone asked a stupid question, i’d just say jimmy crack corn. it made the point, i don’t care!

  9. Scottish Toodler Says:

    I so see this little girl in you still!!! These are beautiful reminisces!!!

  10. Nancy Says:

    I have a sister named Leola after my dad leo. She hated her name because she said no one else had a name like that. I will have to tell her there are more Leola’s out there.

  11. Tina Says:

    Hi There – bumped into your blog (yes, everything is back in it’s place now 😉 by way of JaxBlog

    Nice blog! 🙂

  12. Rocky (Racquel) Says:

    Ooh the look! *shivering from the memory*

    When I was growing up we would go down to Arkansas to visit family. One summer we stayed with my mom’s Aunt Viva and I will never forget her chasing me and my cousins around the orchard with either a green switch or her broom. Good thing we could always outrun her!

  13. Clance' McClannahan Says:

    this yellow kills my eyes…BLINDED OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWWW. I was in enough pain already…
    There are so few self made widows that are living freely…or ….are there?

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