HE AIN’T KINKY…HE’S GONNA BE MY GOVERNOR

Or he will be…maybe…Democrat Bell, the ex-Democrat, ex-Republican now Independent Grandma, and Kinky were at AFL-CIO labor convention and although Bell had the most suporters wearing his name, Kinky stole the crowd with his jokes..His jokes were about policy positions but he never really got specific(d’oh…I told him to quit that)He said he would study the states problems and hire the appropriate staff to find solutions..(well, fuck..I can do that!!)
At the convention he was introduced by his colorfully dressed campaign aide and driver…”That, folks, was Little Jewford,”Mr. Friedman said. “He’s a Jew, and he drives a Ford, and he wears Elvis’s shower curtain.”(when I saw him in Waco he had on a purple lame jacket and bright blue pants)Mr. Friedman, who is also Jewish, then outlined his candidacy.(there was a middle aged dyed blond making moves on him,in Waco and as I stood there and listened to him snow her I couln’t help but tell him “you are so full of shit”..when she walked away…He grinned, looked at his watch and said “great my first compliment and it’s not even 10 o’clock yet.”)
“I’m not a politician,” he said.”I’m a compassionate redneck, I guess.I’m 61 years old, which is too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.”He said he is pushing renewable fuel initiatives with the help of friend and country music star Willie Nelson, the “Hillbilly Dalai Lama.”
“I would trade my Yom Kipper Flipper, which is a Jewish Cadillac that stops on a dime and picks it up,” he said.
Mr. Friedman was really upset by the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission’s strategy of sending undercover agents to bust bar patrons who had too much to drink.”If your’re a drunk, the bar is the perfect place for you to be,” he said.(Im sure that will make the MADD group happy)
Im March, Mr.Friedman was grand marshall of the St.Patrick’s Day Parade on Greenville Avenue. Paradegoes and the press noticed he sipped a can of Guinness as he rode in a Dodge Viper(against he law..open container law)”I admit, I did drink the Guinness,” he said. “But I did not swallow.”
If you have read any of Kinky’s murder mysteries you will find his main character’s name is Kinky Friedman and all of his friends are in the book also..In his book ELVIS, JESUS AND COCA-COLA, his 6th detective novel this is what he drank in the 253 page book.18 shots of Jameson Irish Whiskey, besides an unnumbered “succession of shots” and “a lot of Irish Whiskey” at a party.
6 shots of Bushmills Irish Whiskey.
6 shots of Sambuca
5 shots of Jack Daniels
helped out with several bottles of Dom Perignon
2 Vodka McGoverns(vodka, orange juice, splash of lime, soda)
2 glasses of red wine
1 shot of Wild Turkey
1 bottle of Guinness
1 bottle of Prior’s Dark
1 congnac
1″before-bedtime cocktail”
1 “little liquor drink to cut the phlegm”
Termanology you will need to know to ‘getit’
blower is the telephone
rain room is the shower
steppin’ on a rainbow is passed away
dead soldier is a extinguished, partially smoked Cuban cigar
performed the pre-nuptials on, is a getting a fresh cigar ready to smoke
took a Nixon is taking a dump
monstered is drunk
drag it through the garden is a burger with everything
Gary Cooper time is high noon
and ankled is walked…
I would imagine if he did make the ballot for Governor and actually won it to face Perry he will have all of this brought to our attention by the good hair Perry people…
If nothing else it has made for a lively, interesting and very funny campaign..I just wish that he would add some actual solutions to some big problems we have in Texas..maybe if and when he gets on the ballot he will get serious..yeah, right ..like that’s gonna happen…
ok, that’s my Kinky Friedman news …he’s still in the running and I would hope that we will have news abut if he made it or not by June…maybe one of my bumper stickers will come true’My governor is a Jewish Cowboy.’
fuckme till I Take A Nixon

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7 Responses to “HE AIN’T KINKY…HE’S GONNA BE MY GOVERNOR”

  1. Le Pixie Says:

    what a colorful guy. The world needs more politically incorrect humor.

  2. leo myshkin Says:

    i think i’ll just leave a sign on my desk from now on….”taking nixon, be back tomorrow”

  3. RevJim Says:

    I am a Kinky fan. Love his books and his music. He may make more a a splash than Gary Johnson did when he was gov of NM.

  4. michele Says:

    Hey yellow,we have governor
    arnold,i have no room to talk.
    An austrian actor that doesn’t
    even pronounce california right,
    everybody run!

  5. Nit Wit Says:

    Even if he can’t get on the ballot he’s sure to provide real entertainment.
    If he gives too much information on his plans what will he joke about in the real race against the corporate shills?

    Funny I never thought of Arnold as an actor.

  6. apositivepessimist Says:

    by june huh. not long now then.

    and with a thumb up yer bum i now continue my journey via blogmad.

  7. Kinky is Awesome Says:

    Kinky is AWESOME!

    He’s right on immigration (build a wall and hire Mexican generals to police the border).

    He’s right on foreign policy (Bush basically gets it right).

    He’s right on political correctness (it must be stopped and every other politician is just afraid of offending Mexican-Americans).

    Check out http://kinkyisawesome.blogspot.com/

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