…….CALL 911…….

If no one hears from me by tomorrow afternoon…I finally got the lawn mower going and even though the yard is very small, the grass was very high and David’s lawnmower is about 2 times the size and weight of mine..I mowed less than a half of the yard and my back is killing me, my face is red…(and it is really cool outside), I can’t breath and feel like some one has whupped my ass..I figure by the time I finish mowing the rest of the yard, they will find my dead body drapped across the lawn mower out in the middle of the yard..Fuck, I am so out of shape, I couldn’t whip my weight in republicans…(yeah, right)…I have never been that out of shape..
The paper was just filled with shit for me to bitch about..I’m so excited…this is going to be hit and runs as there are so many..damn, I don’t know where to start..
Ok, the Iraqi army trainees are in a world of hurt. A U.S. Army Lt. said “they all failed.” (a physical fitness test of push-ups, sit-ups and a 2 mile run)One Iraqi who only managed 13 push-ups said it was because he had two wives and was exhausted from a night of pleasure.At least this test they all completed the two-mile course. The first test some of them slipped off to their barrcks while the others ran. Then they sneaked back out and finished the final few hundred yards. As far as the physical fitness tests, they ranged from laughingly bad to relatively competent. Capt. Chris Waddell from Brazoria, TExas said they were good enough to fight any Arab army.
On a recent courtesy call on Col. Majeed the meeting was interrupted so the Col. could take calls on his cellphone, holding loud and jocular conversations. Comical functionaries, presented by the Col. as trusted aids, made flourished entrances and exits, complete with foot-stomping salutes. It played like a Arabian version of Hogan’s Heroes.An Iraqi ministry of Defense official entered with a pistol in the waistband of his outfit, one that would not be out of place in a 1970’s disco. He steered the conversation around to his search, so far unfullfilled, for an American woman to be his fourth wife. Since most of the recruits are not exactly ready for life ammmo, they point their AK-47’s in the air and shout “Bang!Bang!” One of the trainers was so perplexed with the behavior of one trainee, they thought he had Down syndrome. Last week 2 Iraqi armies fired on each other, killing one soldier and one civilian.
HOw long did Forest Gump say we would be there?…fuck if they don’t care any more than that then why the fuck should we???? Let our people go…home…now…yikes..

Classified military spending has reached its highest level since 1988, near the end of the Cold War, a new independent analysis has found.Classified, or black programs now appear to account for about $30.1 billion, or 19%, of the acquistion money the Defense Department is requesting for fiscal year 2007.”In terms of where the money is actually going, it’s quite speculative. I think security is being used as a pretext for greater secrecy across the board,” Mr.Aftergood said…..gee, ya think???? Probably paying for all those people to listen in on my conversations…and reading my emails and blog…if you’re reading this you dipshit asshole, kiss my red neck ass…
Damn, between mowing the lawn and getting all worked up over this crapola I am going to have a stroke..
But I will end it on a high note..The Finnish metal rockers won the Eurovision song contest. The annual kitsch extravaganza, known for its bland dance music and bubble-gum pop, that sees acts from 24 countries is held on tv and millions watch.
But in a stunning upset for the contest that launched the Swedish group ABBA, a Finnish metal band with moster masks and apocalyptic lyrics won.
Combining crunchy guitars, a catch chorus and mock-demonic imagery, the band Lordi is reminiscent of U.S. 70’s stars KISS. Band members never appear withought their elaborate masks and makeup.
Regarded by many as the contest good taste forgot, Eurovision is adored by fans of camp everywhere.
Since 1956, it has pitted European nations against one another in pursuit of pop music glory. Previous winners include ’60’s chanteuse LULU,ABBA….victors in 1974 with “Waterloo”..and Canada’s Celine Dion, who won for Switzerland in 1988.
Ms. Dion and ABBA went on to glory..as did Olivia Newton John, who lost to ABBA while competing for Britain in 1974. Other winners have sunk without a trace, victims of the “curse of Eurovision.”

I saw a picture of them…and they do make me think of KISS…Lordy Lordy Lordy….ain’t life great?
fuckme till I boogie oogie oogie…..


12 Responses to “…….CALL 911…….”

  1. Junebugg Says:

    Maybe you should just get a goat or two and let them do the yard work? I’ve got to either mow or cut mine for hay, I can’t decide which!
    They should just give those trainees BB guns!

  2. Eurotrash Says:

    As a Finnish male, or at least before I turned into an old fart, I assure you that those Lordi guys are not wearing any masks. We are so damn ugly that it just looks that way.

  3. michele Says:

    Vitamins jackiesue that’s
    the secret.

  4. Donna Says:

    Hmm, sounds like those Iraqi’s really don’t give a shit about their country if they’re acting like that…fuckin twerps. And no I have nothing against Iraqi’s or people of any nationality…just the stupid people of the world haha

  5. Eurotrash Says:

    Donna, why the hell should they be enthusiastic to do America’s dirty work. Don’t you get it, you are no friends of Iraq but the bloody occupiers!

  6. apositivepessimist Says:

    yeah they were pretty funky weren’t they. tho i did grin when i heard one of them talk…i dunno bout you but i would expect a big barrel of a voice instead this little reedy high pitched one peeped out via the monster mouth…if only he lisped.

  7. Babs Says:

    Vitamins will mow your lawn!! How cool is that??

  8. chattymoon2012 Says:

    I remember LuLu and I adore Abba and Olivia-newton-john. Wish I still lived in thsoe days…life didn’t bother me so much then…

  9. princeofbrokenhearts Says:

    mowing the yard sucks.

    i put it off as long as i can.

  10. Nit Wit Says:

    I think that Iraqi with the two wives was just bragging. Their culture dosen’t seem to encourage the men to give a shit about the womens satisfaction.
    The one I thought was telling was when the new graduates of basic training were told they were not going to serve in their home area after all. They all started takeing their uniforms off down to the underwear and saying they quit.
    Hard to believe that that band contest started the year I was hatched.
    Now I can go around the Blogs and say
    Hey! Did you hear? Jackiesue got her tit in a wringer.
    Now I know where that saying comes from.

  11. Scottish Toodler Says:

    Long Live Lordi!!!! The champions!!! They remind me of Gwar a little too. Except I think they can actually play their instruments, and you don’t have to wear fisherman rain slickers to survive their concerts. As for Iraq, Bush’s cronies are raking it up over there. That’s how long the war will go on, as long as they keep making money.

  12. Nancy Says:

    One of my nieces is in the Army National Gaurd and she almost died from the physical testing never mind she’s a red head and had third degree sunburn. They show no mercy, you either have it or you don’t. She passed by inches from her death.

    As far as lawn care I would go buy some wildflower mixes and spread it everywhere and just let it all grow. a place for little creatures to go.

    David Letterman has a little film everynight on Presidents great speaches…Bush is getting painful for me to watch. Ouch, he’s our leader.

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