Ah fuck!..This one’s gonna be a tough one…I was an only child…well, I had a 1/2 sister, but I was my Daddy’s only child…something that I used to tease him about…I told him if you believe in reincarnation, you must have been a bad bad boy in your other life to get stuck with me as your only child in this life…’cause you are surely being punished for some past deed…He never felt that way..I know at times he wanted to either kick my ass or pull his hair out..but I never saw that…The only thing I ever saw was a loving devoted Father who was not only 100% loyal and surportive of me, but of my children too..He was a good man..
On one of my trips down to San Antonio, Daddy told me they had g
iven him 6 months to live…he and I both refused to believe it…He took Chemo which pissed him off as it made beer taste shitty and he couldn’t enjoy his Silver Bullets…He took radiation which with the Chemo made his hair thin and fall out. So I took it upon myself to find all the cute, weird,funny and off the wall gimme-caps..He loved his Jones-Blair red one..as red is a big deal in our family..It has to do with hair color and goes back forever.I also got him one that said’Sex is a misdemenor.the more you miss…the meaner I get..’
I knew that no matter if it was 6 months, 6 weeks, 6 days..I wanted to spend every minute I could with Daddy..My work consisted of m-f 8-5pm…every other saturday..8-1pm…So every f
riday that I didn’t have to work on Sat. I left after I got off work,picked up the kids and drove to San Antonio..at first it was business as usual..we laughed joked, watched baseball..I always sat on the floor right at his feet and he kept his hand on my head..I jokenly refered to myself as Daddy’s Irish Setter…then they put him in the hospital and I would take the kids and we would stay at the hospital in his room..we slept on floor or I would send the kids to Daddy’s house and I would stay with him. The only good thing about all of this is toward the end he thought I was my mother..and with irmatheworm sitting on one side of the bed and me on the other, he would tell me how much he loved me and would call me Helen..ask me where Jackiesue was..and I would tell him I love you too Bill and Jackiesue’s going to be right back…I can’t tell you how much joy I got from the pissed off look on irmatheworm’s face…..If I had to work on Sat. Afternoon I would do the same thing.just left Saturday afternoon…The kids didn’t always go…Maryjo went to New Mexico with her grandparents..didn’t want her to see her Grandpa go down like he was..Thom who was Daddy’s favorite Grandson just could not watch his grandpa like he was..so he went to spend the summer with his asshole father because I couldn’t force him into staying and then watch his grandpa die…it was up to me…Dave went with me most of the time, but it was hard on him too…so it was mostly me..sometimes I couldn’t get out of store till late on Saturday and would leave early Sunday morning and spend the day and then drive back Sunday night and go to work the next day…the sicker he became, the more I drank…It was easy to keep it from Daddy as he had slipped quietly into a coma and toward the end I would drive down and just sit beside him and hold his hand and talk to him and read him books.Tell him what the scores were..lied and told him the Yankees were kicking ass and so were the Rangers…I turned him, changed his diapers, gave him baths and just told him how much I loved him and begging him please not to leave me alone..Finally I just took time out and spend everyday and night with him…one day the dr.said he was doing as good as he could and I should go home and get some rest..So I told him I was going to go home and would be back in a few days. and I loved him more than life….had to go make some money..My step sister Donna called me the next day and he had died in his sleep not to long after I had left…Think he did that on purpose..he and the dr’s..they didn’t want me to see him go…
Thom was in Oregon, Maryjo was in New Mexico and it was just me and David and all his brothers and sisters that were left…plus irmatheworms family…and all the people from the San Antonio Airport Tower…people that he had worked with and hadn’t seen in 15 years or so…it was a full house…When we were at the cemetary my aunt Leola and I were standing by his coffin and I started to laugh…and said.”Ok, Daddy, the game has gone on long enough…you can come out now…the jokes gone on too long…Come on Daddy get out of that damn coffin…It’s over with..get out of the fucking coffin…Daddy…it’s not funny anymore…get out..get out”…poor Leola, she nor anyone knew what to do with me..I had completey lost it..I think I truly believed that it was some sort of practical joke and any minute he would just pop up in the coffin and go for a drive with me in the jeep…
it didn’t happen…
1982 will be in 2 parts…don’t think I can go from here to “Freeze Frame”by J. Geiles Band without banging my head on the keyboard…..


25 Responses to “M/SGT. FRANK RUSSELL ROYCROFT..RIP..1982”

  1. Jane Says:

    Hugs to you.

  2. Autumn Says:

    I lost my daddy in Dec. 2004 and burried him on X-Mas eve. Life sure sucks huh.

  3. Sling Says:

    “When I was 17,my father didn’t know anything…When I was 21,I was surprised at how much he had learned”…
    A Mark Twain quote I often use to describe the relationship I had with my father..Thanx for your post.

  4. cyberoutlaw Says:

    Chemo is just awful stuff. I don’t understand why we’re still in the middle ages when it comes to cancer treatment, but I’ve seen a few relatives and a close friend practically evaporate once the condition reaches as certain point. After reading several of your posts, your dad sounds like he was quite a guy. This is a very nice tribute to him.

  5. apositivepessimist Says:

    a special father that begat a special daughter.

    c’mere and let me squashy hug ya.

  6. Rantin' Ron Says:

    Jackie Sue…we are polar opposites when it comes to politics and you are one cantankerous little bitch but…for some strange reason, I am so damned impressed with your heart, soul, balls, ovaries…hell, I don’t fucking know.

    You are the shit girl!

    This is one of the most touching things I’ve ever read.

    Maybe it’s because my precious wife Michelle has, what they refer to as, “terminal cancer” and my first thought every morning is…..”Is she alright?”

    Damn girl….. you nailed it.

    Cancer……hell, death and dying are so devastating for all concerned.

    I pray constantly that Michelle and I can die together in a friggin’ car crash or something.

    I want no part of this world without Michelle in it.

    I’ve often thought of how I would deal with the progression of Michelle’s cancer. I’ve done pretty good so far she tells me but, I PRAY that I’m half as good a “care giver” to my Michelle, if it comes to that, as you were to your father.

    Why did you have to write that?

    Damn you..I’m not reading you anymore.

    Until tomorrow.


  7. john Says:

    That was very touching story .

  8. Paul Says:

    I never met,saw or spoke to my father. The old bastard was the family secret ! I know NOTHING about him at all-never saw a picture of him. It was a secret well kept let me tell you. I could be part pygmy for all I know.

  9. Carina Says:

    Aww, jeez, I just about choked up reading that…wonderful, and sad. ((hugs)) to you. I know that was difficult to write.
    I lost my dad to liver cancer in 1995, it was tough. I still miss him.

  10. Super Woman Says:

    Cancer sucks balls. Reminds me of when we stayed up all night right before mom died. My uncle didn’t want to believe she was dying. Thought she was getting better. I got the awful job of convincing him she was gonna die soon. Hugs, babe.

  11. Leesmry Says:

    That broke my heart to read.*HUGSHUGSHUGSHUGS*
    You have a big heart!!!!

  12. Maritzia Says:

    You could have been writing about my dad’s death, Jackiesue. Working all week, then driving a couple of hours to be with him all weekend, and starting over again the next week with no time off. It was the hardest time of my life, but I still treasure every minute of it. In those last two years before Daddy died, I got to know him like I’d never been able to before. We had taken the liquor away, so he was probably sober for the first time in 50 years. All that time I spent with him, as hard as it was, I wouldn’t give up for anything. It was a blessing for both of us to have that time together.

    *hugs* I know just how hard this was for you to write.

  13. RevJim Says:

    This is wonderfully written, and it shows the amount of heart and determination it takes to stand by your loved ones, no matter what.

    On another note, congratulations to you for being at the top of the “Top Rated Blogs” list on blogmad.

  14. Scottish Toodler Says:

    Thanks for this JS. I don’t know my father, never met him, but I love hearing any stories about loving father daughter relationships. You are truly blessed to have known this man and been at his side during his struggle.

  15. princeofbrokenhearts Says:

    oh dude…

    you have GOT TO rent
    also, ‘running scared’
    ‘just friends’
    ‘leaving las vegas’ (if you have never seen it, it is an oldie but a goodie)
    and ‘kiss kiss bang bang’

  16. Lauren Says:

    What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful man. After reading your many entries about your father, I feel like I know him a little. I also know I’ll never feel that way about my own, since he’s never bothered to show an emotion other than anger and disdain. . .

    Bless your heart for sharing this with all of us. We are better for it.

    Many HUGGSS!!

  17. Nit Wit Says:

    Boy, I have been having a hell of a time trying to comment on this post. This morning it wouldn’t let me in and a little bit ago I lost power in the middle of a comment. Let’s try again.

    I count myself lucky to have found your blog a long time ago at that other place. This is another great post on the life and times of Jackiesue. I can’t imagine going through what you went have, especially with your Dad’s final days. You and he were much closer than I have been with any of my parents. I lost my Mother almost three years ago but it was right after they decided she was well enough to go home from the hospital in the morning, and then she went in her sleep from a stroke. Having to watch him waste away that way had to tear your heart out.
    Aw crap, you went and got me leaking again. Chin out tits up. 🙂

  18. Sue Says:

    The pain we feel eases .. but the missing never goes away does it. My dad passed away in 1999 under very similar circumstances to your Dad, and he too waited until I left the room. I admit it was hard for me to read this entry because it brought back so many of my own memories, the diagnosis, the surgery, the chemo, the last weeks, but I am very glad I did read this post.

    Thank you.

  19. texlahoma Says:

    This post makes me relize just how lucky I am to still have both my parents, I think I’ll be a little extra nice to them next time I see them.

  20. Donna Says:

    Ah, your daddy’s spirit will be with you always!

  21. fc Says:

    You go Granny…

    – fc

  22. JDaaris Says:

    I read this yesterday, but couldn’t comment then. My daddy left me in similar circumstances; he had lived with us from 1983 until I had to put him in a rehab facility in July 1996; he died August 1996; I hated the fact that I put him in an assisted living facility..it was supposed to be for rehab so he could gain his strength back. Neither one of us actually realized how sick he was. Yep, I still miss him.

  23. Nancy Says:

    My daddy died in Feb 1979 of lung cancer and my mom died March 1993. It is a very hard thing to loose your momma and poppa.

    Hugs to you my friend.

  24. Josh Says:

    Death is that great tragedy that touches every life at some point. Your writing resonates with anyone who has ever lost a loved one… myself included.

    Namaste, JS.

  25. JuBlue Says:

    Your dad sounds like a wonderful human being. I’m glad you had the chance to show him how much you loved him in the end.

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